Monstrous Mutation of Full Monty – 1.0/5.0
By God, it’s high time we had a law prohibiting Indians from making movies.
We just returned from the opening show of Desi Boyz at a theater on the East Coast and, ah, ah, ah, we’re still reeling in painful shock.
Folks, Desi Boyz (Akshay Kumar, John Abraham, Deepika Padukone, Chitrangda Singh) is nothing short of a horror show.
Even after filching the basic plot-line from the Hollywood hit The Full Monty, debutant film-maker Rohit Dhawan, the uncreative force behind Desi Boyz, has shown himself utterly incapable of churning out a watchable movie.
Au contraire, The Full Monty is a charming comedy with an amusing story, fine performances by the cast and four Oscar nominations (one win) to its credit.
Swathed in a horrible screenplay, swaddled in mediocre music and swabbed of all finesse, Desi Boyz is a very unfunny movie that left us in a vortex of misery with no exit.
In a reckless act of high chutzpah, Rohit (son of David Dhawan, the Joseph Mengele of Bollywood) takes (dis)credit for the story, screenplay and direction.
Like The Full Monty, the underlying story of Desi Boyz too is of unemployed desperate young men in hard economic times taking to stripping for women to make money and to help one of the guys retain visitation rights to a young boy (son in Full Monty and nephew in Desi Boyz).
The similarities stop there because the inept director and clueless writer Rohit Dhawan mangles the Full Monty story into a disgusting, crude, unfunny abomination that had us gasping frequently for air.
The six guys from Sheffield in The Full Monty become two young friends Jerry Patel (Akshay Kumar) and Nick Mathur (John Abraham) in recession-hit circa 2009 London in Desi Boyz.
Deepika Padukone plays the main female lead, in an extension of the role essayed by the wife of Tom Wilkinson’s character Gerald in Full Monty. Jerry is a college dropout sponging off his friend Nick in a swanky London apartment much to the annoyance of Nick’s girlfriend Radhika (Deepika Padukone).
But the shit hits the fan when Nick loses his job and Jerry is unable to provide for his orphaned nephew Veer (Virej Dasani).
The story goes completely downhill from then with frequent lapses into horrid songs, ludicrous turns, incomprehensible clashes and utter nonsense.
In a movie tottering from one trashy incoherent scene to another, Jerry’s analyst interview (after his belated graduation) with Mr.Dillon and the final courtroom scene were the nadir, an orgy of repulsive nonsense.
Virej Dasani, who plays the young boy Veer, throws in an utterly hopeless performance.
In Full Monty, William Snape as the young lad Nates/Nathan was a delight.
Well, the performances by the adults Akshay, John, Deepika or Chitrangda didn’t charm us either in Desi Boyz.
For a comedy, the dialogs in Desi Boyz was utterly lacking in sizzle.
Some of the key scenes in Desi Boyz like the confrontation between Jerry and Nick, Nick and Rads i.e. Radhika and the Jerry-Veer parting at the Social Services office turned out to be total duds.
Anupam Kher is wasted in a role that makes no sense.
Sanjay Dutt, tattoos, big biceps and all, struts around like he’s still a druggie.
If Desi Boyz proves anything, it’s that incompetence and sadistic grotesquerie can be inherited.
Bollywood fans did not deserve a monster like David Dhawan nor do they now need his sadistic brat Rohit Dhawan to torment them with his perverse version of cinema.
Music, What Music?
It’s all loud noise with thumping beats that drove us mad.
The picturization of all the songs was crude, awful and nauseating.
By the way, music was a key highlight of The Full Monty, ultimately winning the movie its single Oscar (in a year that saw Titanic sweeping the awards).
Desi Boyz ‘ Absolute Trash
Guys, Desi Boyz is the acme of grotesque buffoonery that begs you to show it the middle finger.