Watching Rockstar once is like watching it many times over – 1.0/5.0
By: Kunal Guha
This film says that depression, apart from making one horny, ignites the artist in one. But our lead, Janardhan Jakhar/JJ (Ranbir Kapoor) was neither adopted, nor abused as a child to feel down enough to become like his idol, Jim Morrison. So, to pursue pain, JJ flirts with college hottie and serial heart-breaker, Heer Kaul (Nargis Fakhri). He hopes to be dumped, shattered and consequently become a musical genius. But following several awkward proposals, JJ and Heer actually bond over doing wild things, which they trigger off by saying, ‘gandh machaate hain!’
While Heer is scheduled for a Kashmir marriage that would jet her off to Prague, JJ crashes her wedding but avoids clichéd Bollywood tactics of charming her parents or making a swift getaway as they’re not in love. The wedding leads to Heer’s departure, closely followed by logic departing from this feeble rock-u-drama like a ball smashed from Sachin Tendulkar’s bat.
JJ is clobbered and thrown out of his house for attending Heer’s wedding (a crime because?) and a reason even sillier than that. Broken and hungry, JJ takes refuge at a ‘darga’ which also doubles as ‘school of Sufi music for the lesser privileged’. After two months, he also spends some time, making a living babbling bhajans (to be fair that all religions offer a chance to hone one’s musical bone?).
One montage leads to another and JJ becomes Jordan, a revolutionary solo artist, headed to Prague for a recording. Song and dance numbers to amuse the country’s tourism board follow as Jordan and Heer finally get intimate (just when we thought they’d hook up in the sequel). If Heer’s married state wasn’t rarifying enough, she also suffers from psychiatric issues and is finally diagnosed with a form of terminal bone marrow. Oh, yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Finally, an orgasm of sadness results in compositions like ‘Nadaan Parindey Ghar Aaja’, possibly dedicated to the script writers of ‘Rockstar’ who never returned to the sets.
Ranbir is committed in his disturbed desi rocker avatar and his abstention from any intoxicants makes him an idol who wouldn’t corrupt his worshipers. Nargis blends divine beauty with lips that jive like she’s in the movie, ‘Finding Nemo’.
Although the ‘Rockstar’ soundtrack is being crowned universally, Rahman’s work has become formatted. It’s like, be it a horror or an animated children’s film, Rahman will insert a minimalistic yet soulful Sufi number (*Kun Faaya Kun), one Masakali equivalent- (*Sheher Mein), one high-pitched Dil Se-esque number (*Nadaan Parindey) and a soft soothing love song (Tum Ho). Shamelessly ignoring the rock theme, only ‘Saadda Haq’ comes close to the head banging genre. Also note that Mohit Chauhan is a trained professional and do not try singing ‘Oh, yeah! Yeah! Yeah!’ at home or outdoors, unless you want to risk being certified as an imbecile.
The film’s crisp post-production and beautiful cinematography makes the screen light up to dreamy sights and the enumerable chopper shots allow a great vantage point to take in the stunning landscapes of this eastern European country.
Watching ‘Rockstar’ once is like watching it many times over, thanks to the repeated montages that sporadically recap the film. If you thought being stabbed once was bad, here’s what a knife set can do.
The film drives home an unscientific hypothesis that people who’ve endured sufferings/ heart break/ loose motions etc will reach their creative best. By this logic, each person in the audience will be blessed with superhuman creativity as they step out after watching ‘Rockstar’. Oh, yeah! Yeah! Yeah!