Chit Chat

I am tired of crying: Kajol

Kajol on her life’s decisions, films and family in a chat with TOI

Fiery, fiesty, outspoken… that’s the Kajol we knew. Has time, marriage, motherhood mellowed you?
I have matured. I hope I have grown into a better person today. I think I am able to handle myself and situations around me better now. So, I have grown not in one single aspect; it’s a kind of rounding off that happens to you. About mellowing, yes, up to a certain extent. Actually, you don’t have that much energy left after kids and all to fire up anybody. But the ones who have to necessarily get it, still do!

You got married when you were young and at your peak. You started the trend…
Of getting married and still doing movies? (laughs) Seriously, I don’t think I’m a pioneer in that field. My mother did it. All of them… be it Sharmila Tagore, Zeenat Aman, Saira Banu. So many actresses out there have done it very well.

But later, things changed and around the time you got married it was almost like marriage meant the end of a woman’s career…
It’s a perception that people have and to a certain extent, that may be true. It gets restrictive. Like after marriage, I would not have been able to do a teenybopper movie. But I was fine with that. I was not in that space where I wanted to play a college girl.

Have you at any point, in the last few years, felt that you should have continued in that space a little longer?
Never. I have never ever regretted anything. In life, I take my decisions and stand by them. Some decisions may have proven to be not the best, but I have learnt from them and I’ve never repeated a mistake again. If someone tells me to turn left, I will go right! I could not have been taught a lesson in any other way rather than by going through it. But it’s all my experiences that have contributed to making me what I am today.

There’s one more change in you now. You have become far more style conscious in public today than ever before. Is it a conscious decision?
Yes. It has more to do with the fact that I have the time now. Earlier I didn’t have the patience when I was working day in and day out. But, now I’m liking it.

Does Ajay have a role to play here?
Well, he is appreciating it!

Is the actor in you satisfied with the work you’ve done?
I don’t think any actor can be satisfied. I am still in the learning phase and I hope I am always in the same frame of mind when I act or do anything else. That’s what makes life interesting and worth living.

When do we see you on screen next?
Not unless I get a fabulous script. I like my life the way it is and when I say this to people they feel I’m talking nonsense! But really, to do a movie and get out of my comfort zone, it has to be a film where there is something substantial for me to sink my teeth into.

What kind of a film would you like to do right now?
I definitely want to do something in a funny space. I don’t want to cry anymore for a little while at least. I am tired of crying. Of course, I can say whatever I like but at the end of the day, it’s about a great script. Right now, the industry is in a fantastic place. You have different kind of films being made and opportunity for every kind of actor to flourish.

Now that you have your own production, you can have that tailor-made role?
That is never the case. What you imagine a film to be initially… it doesn’t happen that way. In your own production, you may be able to control it a bit, but we’ll see how it goes… nothing on the cards.

Would you like to do a film with Ajay?
Definitely. We are thinking about it.

Tell us what you think about Ajay as an actor today?
He has really let his inhibitions down. From Phool Aur Kaante to Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam, it was still the same man. Then suddenly he did a Golmaal, an Omkara, each film was a different he did Zakhm, Company and then he did a spate of comedies and then went back to action. As an actor he has rounded himslef off to include almost every genre of cinema which no other actor has been able to manage whether it’s romance, action or comedy. You can see him in all three genres doing it so well and he feels confident about it which comes across. And that is fantastic.

Ajay often says he tries not to take work back home…
We try to keep that out of the house as much as possible. It makes for a better life and there’s a lot more to talk about as well. We have the kids, my in-laws and we don’t want to discuss these things and make it a conversation only the two of us can have.

So what’s a regular day like when you are not doing a film?
I feel like I am doing a lot but if someone asks me what exactly I have accomplished, I don’t know… putting my son to sleep, feeding him, taking care of things in the house amount to a lot of work. I haven’t arrested 14 criminals in one day or saved the world or anything of that sort! (laughs)


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