Just Go Watch it – 3.0/5.0

Verdict – As they keep on reminding you here DONT UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF THE COMMON wo/MAN (for they might just make this movie a hit!)

Loha Garam Hai,Dosa Maaro
Tis the season of all things Dakhsin in the industry sometimes referred to as Bollywood, so no surprises if the Patron Saint of Sarson Ke Khaith, MaiBaap of Mustard Fields ..our boy Rahul /Shahrukh Khan ka alter ego ka naam tou sunna hoga shifts his gaze (which involves that patented narrowing of eyes pursing up that mouth) towards the paddy field of India’ s South. And so we watch as Khan and Rohit Shetty hitch their
wagon to the Dakhshin bound Chennai Express.

So we have the Rahul formerly associated with the man-boy Shahrukh Khan we all fell in love with two decades ago, played now by was that Peter Pan? Michael Jackson’s last years? CGI Shahrukh? ..all of the above?.. in a movie that seems a retrospective to Shahrukh-mania over the years. He stars opposite a Deepika Padukone who surprisingly by virtue of being in a class of her own for the 147 minutes also seems to be in a movie of her own. Kashmir se Kanyakumari tou movie me mil gaya but iss Radha/Meena Rahul ka sangam just doesn’t seem believable. The two are in frames
of their own. As they say “These Two..Something Just Didn’t Add Up”.

So Rahul..the man with his grand dad’s ashes in a kalash extends THAT hand to a damsel in distress trying to catch THAT train pulling out of the platform, and manages to reel in her cousin brothers in Corleone-dom too. And thus begins a mad caper of Rahul in Wonderland, if Wonderland is what Asian Paints, Neurolac and Berger get up to on their drunken escapades. Oh the colors you will see. Deepika in a pink orange sari
turning towards a pink orange sunset might be serendipity but when a pink truck , pink clothed commuters trundle by kuch kuch tou hoga hi. Mostly puking.

Yes Im happy that there is a hat tip to pan-Indianism. Hum tou Tamil me bolegi bolegi Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani. A SRK in blue turns towards a saffaron clad Deepika, a Deepika in orange then white imagines herself melting into the arms of a Shahrukh Khan and a green shirt , but orange bricks breaking up in air to reveal blue insides. Orange and blue matkas and water coolers. Oh Darling! Kiya Yahi Hai India?

So yes the movie is classic Shetty. There is a hat tip to woman power as Shahrukh had promised earlier, allowing his female co-star’s name to precede his when it comes to the credits, and a dialogue that speaks about the plight of the damsel in distress 66 years to India’s independence. There are times the movie reminded me of Romancing the Stone with the female protagonist saving her man’s behind. But most times the
movie is that atrocious mish mash they have started serving in the North—the vile paneer matar dosa.

And when the movie ends with that hat tip to Rajni, I think of multinational offices in Islamabad that had started stringing banners with the Kalima Tayyiba lest someone bombs them thinking they are kafir enterprises. Everyone loves insurance in today’s times. And lest someone slaps this movie with a Causing Grievances/Hurting The Sensibilities of Tamilians Living and Dead, what better “what us blasphemy?” than a
paen to the God of All Things Big and Small for South of Vindhyas.

Of course this movie will become a hit.

Of course the Uttar will book tickets to the Dakhshinas. Such beautiful waterfalls, such gorgeous women. The blue waters wah bhai wah. Colorful buildings, aticayamāṉa!

Yes, we may never bother to learn their language. Or go beyond those stereotypes. But as SRK/Rahul reminds us its not important to learn the ways of our compatriots, Kashmir se Kanyakumari tak, its all random Daddys holding on to their daughter’s hands as they chomp at their reins to embrace SRK. Yesterday it was Amrish Puri.Today it is Sathyaraj playing Deepika/Meena’s mafioso father.

And then SRK/Rahul caps it all with India’s national language may be Dil Ki Zubaan (or something like that) …and well India ka Dil Tou (waise hi) Paagal Hai.

Oh just go watch it already. You were going to anyway.


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