Ironic for a movie called Jai Ho! you want to just kill yourself three minutes into it – 1.5/5.0

By: Anzeela.Zeb

In a parallel world Salman would be readying for Vanaprastha retiring from social and professional life, renouncing material and sexual pleasures but ye hain hamare Bhai still the Pied Piper leading the kids astray to some strange strange land that is choc a block full of Khan friends doing friendly cameos.
Khan plays a do gooder ex-army personnel who has come up with some convoluted Each One Help Three Pay It Forward Scheme. It would have been interesting to see how that would have turned out, but considering Jai’s character tires out just doing the maths of this noble project, he turns to flaring his nostrils and beating up people. Tabu plays his sister who has married a “Rehan” raising a “Kabir”. Just once I would like these couples to raise a Shiv, a Prithvi, or even a Ali. Tabu’s Riya spends most of her time looking at Jai Bhai through red rimmed eyes rueing the time she answered that phone call with “Sure, it would be fun to work together again”
There is also the ubiquitous love interest. An exuberant Gujju making gooey eyes at Salman. Modi ji. Nah! Daisy Shah playing I forget her name but she is nicknamed Pinky. You don’t want to know why.
Daisy Shah doesn’t remind me of any of Salman Khan’s X files so I have no idea why they signed her on.
By this time I have realised I too could have helped three people you now. Could have called up Tabu, Nadira and Mohinish Behl and warned them Salman and Sohail ki call na lo. Genelia D’Souza did a smart thing walking off that balcony two minutes into receiving her lines. And Pascholi, you are on your own.

And just when I am ready to impale myself with my Pepsi’s straw, God be Great. Salman ki shirt spontaneously combusted. #JaiHo indeed. Sign that this movie is about to end; some of you may gather your bags and last shred of dignity preparing to exit; but then you will miss Sunil Shetty driving up on the highway in a TANK. Sunny ji and the hand pumps, you had a good run but there is a new What The? in town.


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